July 2008
Huey Lewis and the News - Hip to be Square
Just...
WatchApparently, Critical Mass is an event where those who chose bicycles as their means of transportation rush the streets to show that they also own the road. It’s completely legal. This is a video from said event.
If you are like me, then you agree that the cop was justified in his actions.
WatchThuuuuugggg Life.
Who would win in a fight between...
Me: Who would win in a cage fight to the death between Toby Keith and Osama Bin Laden?
Co-Worker: No doubt about it... Osama Bin Laden.
Me: What the F? That is the biggest pile of horse shit I've ever heard.
Co-Worker: Osama Bin Laden is a trained terrorist who lives in the mountains of Afghanistan. He was trained to fight people during the Cold War.
Me: There wasn't any actual fighting during the Cold War. We all know that, idiot.
Co-Worker: [Pulls up a picture of Toby Keith's Christmas album cover on his computer].
Co-Worker: You are telling me that this guy could beat up a trained terrorist. As a matter of fact, so highly trained and elusive that the American government can't even find him.
Me: Is said terrorist an American?
Co-Worker: No.
Me: Toby Keith is one of the greatest Americans ever born. Teddy Roosevelt, Jesus, Toby Keith.
Co-Worker: What does that have to do with anything?
Me: Americans are inherently ass kickers.
Co-Worker: No denying that, but to say that some pansy country music singer could beat up Osama Bin Laden is an incredible stretch.
Me: You are a communist.
Huey Lewis and the News - Finally Found A Home
...
Alleged ballerness (via g-chat)
I was just g-chatting with a buddy of mine and he fwd’d me a conversation that another of our g-chat friends was having with one of her g-chat friends.
I will skip most of the convo and just copy and paste the interesting ish:
...
Are you insane???
Me: If Heidi Montag walked into this office right now and said she wanted to do you. And no one, including your fiance, would ever ever find out... Would you do it?
Co-worker: No. She isn't on my top list.
Me: So what? She is ridiculously hot. Plus you could talk mad shit to Spencer Pratt.
Co-worker: I mean, if Adriana Lima walked in here it would be different. I could call my fiance and she'd be ok with that. I mean it is Adriana Lima.
Me: But we are talking about Heidi Montag here. You know, she is on The Hills. She is a celebrity.
Co-worker: She isn't really that hot.
Me: This conversation is over.
Huey Lewis and the News - I Never Walk Alone
...
Run in with HR. Engage machismo.
HR employee: Listen, I need to talk to you.
Me: Oh, no!
HR employee: We've had some complaints. Do you have any idea why I'm here?
Me: I want to formally apologize. Sometimes I forget that the office isn't my playground.
HR employee: Huh?
Me: Is it the Huey Lewis that I turn on during the mid-afternoon lull?
HR employee: I'm sorry? Listen, listen. It's the fact that you don't wear socks with your...whatever they are...penny loafers.
Me: They couldn't possibly smell. I put baby powder in them every night.
HR employee: It just doesn't seem... I don't know... Sanitary.
Me: Sanitary? Ok. If I promise you that I won't pull my feet out of the loafers and rub them on someone's ice cream sandwich in the office fridge can I keep it up?
HR employee: This seems slightly more difficult than I'd originally imagined. Just forget about it.
