“I want the report warm and laminated on my desk by 5 p.m. And if it is ONE minute late, I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark, cold night, I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face.”—Glee, 10.21.09
I think it was when I turned 20 that I realized my letter from Hogwarts would never arrive. Sad, but reality. However, there was and is a part of me that still strongly wishes that more of my world was more like that of Harry, Ron and Hermione’s.
Luckily, I found a bit of J.K. Rowling’s world when I started working at a Fortune 500 company. Amidst the crammed elevators, mauve-carpeted cubicles, diversity training and conference calls, I discovered something. Quite simply, similar to the way Hogwarts children could be assigned to four different Houses based on character traits, so can people in the career world.
Here’s how I see it:
Slytherin: High-ranking blue bloods who stick to their kind and no one else; don’t waste their time or they will lay waste to you. Likely found in Legal, Corporate Finance and Investments. Don’t expect an email or phone call from them- they have people to do those lowly deeds.
Ravenclaw: These are the people hipchecking you with their Deloitte bags as they get into the elevator and then fill it with the aroma of red-eye blend Starbucks. Typically work in IT, Accounting, Nuclear Engineering and anything with the word “analyst” after it. Their fondness for emoticons and email signatures is in sharp contrast to their spartan cubicle surroundings and Excel saavy.
Hufflepuff: Oh Hufflepuff…so sweet, so thoughtful. You’re always the one to buy the office birthday cake and organize the company holiday party when everyone else is either too busy or too apathetic. They are the ones with the seasonal cubicle decorations and pictures of their pets instead of human friends on their desk. The quintessential Hufflepuff is a member of the Human Resources department, spending his or her days empathizing with frustrated corporate slaves. However, I believe Hufflepuffs can be found in any department at any company. They may be corny and keep a relatively low profile, but they are often the ones there for you when no one else is.
Gryffindor: These are the affable employees who are charged with delivering presentations, closing deals and coming up with creative solutions for their company. They are the employees you love to hate, just waiting for them to show a sign of weakness like a typo in a department-wide email or flubbing one of their slides in an aforementioned presentation. Seriously, I spend hours hoping for these things to happen to certain perfect people I’m lucky enough to work with. Like Hufflepuff, I don’t think Gryffindors can necessarily be assigned to a few certain departments. But I do think that the number of Gryffindors occupying executive-level positions these days far outnumber any other Hogwarts House.
So next time you receive an especially irritating e-mail or encounter a new person in the elevator, try to assign that individual to a particular House you think that he or she belongs in. It’s kept me entertained for over two years now.
It’s Reckner. I’m happy to be stepping in for Loafers while he wastes away in the law library this week. These are some pretty big shoes to fill (sorry, I love puns), but I’m going to try my best to keep you all entertained.
I’m sorry for the lack of posts lately. Law school is kind of putting a hurting on my free time right now. I really miss browsing the internet to find the stupidest stuff out there, but time doesn’t permit. I hope the one or two posts a day are sufficient in holding you over until I have more time.
**Reck, my girlfriend, has asked me if she can substitute blog occasionally. I haven’t decided how I feel about this. Thus, I haven’t made a decision if it’ll happen. I suspect a few of you all might actually be more entertained by her.