Garcia:Yo. I was just on Craiglist. There are some freaks on there, bro.
Me:Yeah, you might want to watch out though.
Garcia:Nah man, I would never do anything with them. But I might call them on Saturday morning just to talk a little shit. You know I get worked up when Syracuse plays basketball. Gotta take that stress out on someone.
Me:So how would this work?
Garcia:Dude, you just tell them you want to meet up and then see what they say. Then tell them you will see them there and don't show up. Done.
Garcia:They'd probably be like, "$100 for a couple hours, but you gotta bring me a pack of Newports and a Pepsi."
Me:$100 for a couple hours? Not bad.
Garcia:Yeah, but the breaking point would be the Newports. I don't share my Newports with anyone.
Not that many of you all give a shit, but I created an e-mail account for the blog so anyone could e-mail me ideas. Any funny comments will, of course, probably be put up. Also, if you want to give me some top 5 list ideas I’ll try to knock them out in the future.
A friend of mine — (we will call him Deep Throat v 2.0) — found a LoaferSanSocks imitator on the internets today. I was planning on putting the address for this clown’s site on my blog for everyone to see, but quickly realized that I would be validating this miscreant. Listen, I realize that there is a quizzical, geeky aura surrounding my blog. And it’s awesome. Most people realize this, which is why it’s been officially endorsed by people like Peter McCutcheon, Leo Schmid and Shawn Kemp. All(z) I’m saying is that after I put away money for my monthly necessities: groceries, booze and guns, I’m going to hire a lawyer and get my intellectual property on.
PS - I went to college with the aforementioned copycat. He’s aight.
Garcia:Dude, never again. Did that once. Not doing it again.
Garcia:I'm not even going to talk it, but I will say this. Just some advice. Take it for what it's worth. If you ever get married take at least five Valiums before you say that oath.
Me:Five? Valiums? Seriously?
Garcia:Yeah dude. Once you say 'Yes' it's over, man. I'm telling you. It's really over. But listen man, I was sweating my ass off. The Valium messed me up. The sweat was dripping off my head. Down my nose. Oh God. It was terrible.
Me:It was that bad?
Garcia:I'm a free spirit. It's not for me. Remember when you were growing up and you couldn't wait to move out of your parents' house so you wouldn't have to call them and tell them where you are at and stuff?
Garcia:That's what marriage is like. It's like, "Where are you? Why didn't you call?" The worst, dude. Not. For. Me. You'll probably like it though because you are a nice guy and shit.
Me:Well thanks. When I get married I'll keep you posted on my thoughts.
Garcia:Please do. But don't forget that Valium trick.